Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What’s going on with that phone?

In hindsight, stealing from a possible military officer of unknown origin wasn’t the brightest thing I have ever done.

Did I think they were going to chase me for weeks over a little phone? No. Did they? Yes. Relentless. They were freakin’ relentless.

Word of advice-never try to hide while being chased by irate military officers. They will find you, they will yell at you, and they will hurt you.

I have been running from those two women for how long now? Now, I know what you are thinking. “The big bad proxy can’t handle himself against two girls? How pathetic.” Well, those two girls are armed to the teeth, and I only have my little sjambok--which is a thick African rhino-hide whip, in case you didn’t know. ‘Sides, there is something-off-about the short chick.

They finally caught up to me. I ran out of woods. I ran out of places to run. I panicked and hid in a tube slide in a playground. Stupid-I know. But they didn’t see me hide, and in my panicked state of mind I thought they might run past me. They did not.

The short-and scary-one dragged me from the slide by my feet and threw me to the ground. We then had a… of words. They demanded their phone back-I told them I needed it to get in touch with my allies-the scary one snapped that she did not care-I called her a heartless bitch-we cursed at each other some more-she growled something in a strange language and kicked me in the head-I got all dizzy-and tingly all over, strangely enough.

After the kick to the head I got up and ran while I still could-right into a soccer field. Did not realize there was a game going on. Nearly got run over by a bunch of fourth graders.

Needless to say, they got their stupid phone back.

Yesterday night I wandered into another town and stole a laptop. Should have just done that in the first place.

No comments:

Post a Comment