Did I think they were going to chase me for weeks over a little phone? No. Did they? Yes. Relentless. They were freakin’ relentless.
Word of advice-never try to hide while being chased by irate military officers. They will find you, they will yell at you, and they will hurt you.
I have been running from those two women for how long now? Now, I know what you are thinking. “The big bad proxy can’t handle himself against two girls? How pathetic.” Well, those two girls are armed to the teeth, and I only have my little sjambok--which is a thick African rhino-hide whip, in case you didn’t know. ‘Sides, there is something-off-about the short chick.
They finally caught up to me. I ran out of woods. I ran out of places to run. I panicked and hid in a tube slide in a playground. Stupid-I know. But they didn’t see me hide, and in my panicked state of mind I thought they might run past me. They did not.
The short-and scary-one dragged me from the slide by my feet and threw me to the ground. We then had a….....exchange of words. They demanded their phone back-I told them I needed it to get in touch with my allies-the scary one snapped that she did not care-I called her a heartless bitch-we cursed at each other some more-she growled something in a strange language and kicked me in the head-I got all dizzy-and tingly all over, strangely enough.
After the kick to the head I got up and ran while I still could-right into a soccer field. Did not realize there was a game going on. Nearly got run over by a bunch of fourth graders.
Needless to say, they got their stupid phone back.
Yesterday night I wandered into another town and stole a laptop. Should have just done that in the first place.