Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
In hindsight, stealing from a possible military officer of unknown origin wasn’t the brightest thing I have ever done.
Did I think they were going to chase me for weeks over a little phone? No. Did they? Yes. Relentless. They were freakin’ relentless.
Word of advice-never try to hide while being chased by irate military officers. They will find you, they will yell at you, and they will hurt you.
I have been running from those two women for how long now? Now, I know what you are thinking. “The big bad proxy can’t handle himself against two girls? How pathetic.” Well, those two girls are armed to the teeth, and I only have my little sjambok--which is a thick African rhino-hide whip, in case you didn’t know. ‘Sides, there is something-off-about the short chick.
They finally caught up to me. I ran out of woods. I ran out of places to run. I panicked and hid in a tube slide in a playground. Stupid-I know. But they didn’t see me hide, and in my panicked state of mind I thought they might run past me. They did not.
The short-and scary-one dragged me from the slide by my feet and threw me to the ground. We then had a….....exchange of words. They demanded their phone back-I told them I needed it to get in touch with my allies-the scary one snapped that she did not care-I called her a heartless bitch-we cursed at each other some more-she growled something in a strange language and kicked me in the head-I got all dizzy-and tingly all over, strangely enough.
After the kick to the head I got up and ran while I still could-right into a soccer field. Did not realize there was a game going on. Nearly got run over by a bunch of fourth graders.
Needless to say, they got their stupid phone back.
Yesterday night I wandered into another town and stole a laptop. Should have just done that in the first place.